The Art of the "No": How to Set Boundaries Without Burning Bridges

Life can get busy during college, whether it's classes, extracurriculars, or spending time with friends, it’s hard to find time to do it all. Students battle between trying to be everywhere and actually finding time to relax. Is it possible to efficiently juggle everything? The honest answer is no. But it can feel like you are when you find the right balance. For Jo Edwards and Andrea Endaya, setting boundaries is crucial for keeping a healthy lifestyle in school. 

As a 3rd year accounting major, VP of Programming for WIB, chair of Delta Zeta sorority, and mentor for the Humanities Scholars Program, Jo Edwards seems to be everywhere at once. But even a busy student like Edwards can feel the pressure to say yes to everything, “Yes, there have definitely been times when I’ve felt overwhelmed with academic work and a busy schedule but still said yes to social events. I really value my friendships, which can make it difficult for me to say no.” So how does she do it? She thinks the key to a balanced lifestyle is learning to understand yourself better and setting those boundaries when you start feeling overwhelmed. 

Additionally, Andrea Endaya, a second year marketing major and Gala Committee member, has also shared her take on what it means to set boundaries for yourself. “Learning to say no is being able to focus on yourself first, which is essential to personal well-being”. Outside of WIB, she is a member of PSE, a professional business fraternity on campus, and a part of the Tri-Delta sorority. Endaya believes that saying no doesn’t have to completely build up that metaphorical wall between you and that opportunity or relationship. She shared that it’s just you “being able to have that sense of transparency can help strengthen trust and the relationships you have with others since there is open communication.” 

So why are we so nervous to say no to things? One opinion is that we fear burning bridges during our time in college, both with friends and organizations. Some could also say that we want to try it all and have the full “college experience”. However you describe it, we sometimes make it difficult for ourselves to choose personal well-being over that of others or professional advancement. Overcommitting ourselves leads to burnout more often than not. We keep ourselves so busy that it comes to a point where we just have to stop from fatigue. When we learn to say no, we put ourselves first. We are able to be fully present and available for the events we do attend, gaining incredibly helpful insight along the way. 

Edwards states, “Learning to say no helps prevent the stress and exhaustion that come from taking on too much. By setting clear boundaries around my time and energy, I’m better able to show up fully for my responsibilities.” Attending events isn’t just about being there for the attendance credit, but gaining something from the moment that will be fulfilling to your overall college experience. After these boundaries are set, we start being able to enjoy our friendships and involvements when we stop worrying about what’s next on our agenda. Furthermore, knowing your limits helps you build your emotional intelligence as a whole. When we start looking at the ways we need more time to relax and contemplate, the more we can understand when others face the same struggles and require a respite. 

For school specifically, Endaya offers insight into how to know your limits when it comes to college organizations. “A healthy boundary in a student organization setting is an agreement set by both parties where people mutually agree to meet or do something. Everyone is comfortable and there is clear communication. Especially when it comes to student orgs, these are commitments that should fill your cup so making sure they align with your values is essential.” Most of the time if you are confused or nervous about a meeting or project, the odds are that someone else is having those same feelings. This is especially relevant as a student in a leadership role. When you understand the limits of others you can prepare meetings and information that can best support them. 

In the end, everyone can understand the need for a break. The difficult part is having the strength to know your limits. Both Jo Edwards and Andrea Endaya keep a busy schedule during the school year, but after much trial and error, have found that it’s okay to say no sometimes. It’s good to be present and open to new possibilities, but adding too much to your plate can build resentment for the numerous responsibilities. Knowing your worth is valuable for more than just your emotional health, it can also be the key to balancing your mental and physical health as well.